Syndication10 Mar 2009 - 02:21:22 pm
BIPOLAR DAYS
BIPOLAR DAYS
OK........so I'm bipolar with anxiety and depression issues. This is one of those days. I'm trying to clean house, with bill's help. He cleaned the kitchen at least. I managed to get the bathroom clean, wash a load of laundry, and am going to get the laundry put away. I HATE being bipolar. I sometimes would rather have a physical disability than a mental one, as people understand that more than they do a mental one. What is normal other than a setting on a washing machine? what is normal for one may not be normal for me and vice versa. I hate the roller coaster ride of emotions. Up, down, down up..... tears, frustration, frustration, aggrevation. It's a royal pain in the ass! I've cried my tears. gotten frustrated because i can't seem to stay on task in one room,............as usual. THATS MY "normal".
Nevertheless, I will be better once I get out with the horses today. I'm going to do some training with Sassy, Shakota, and Dollar today. Plus i'm going to ride Sassy again today. I rode her yesterday and she is an absolute jewel of a mare. I am really impressed with her ability to scoot down the road. Her gait is a tennessee walking gait and she is just like a rocking chair. It's really nice. I enjoyed riding her very much yesterday. The sun was shining. The breeze was in my face. and I was on the best seat in the house....on a willing horse that was enjoying the ride as much as I was. THATS a wonderful feeling. Having a willing horse who enjoys her job as much as I'm enjoying the ride. She's not much to look at really. Just a simple little bay mare.....reddish brown, on the thin side, (she needs about 150 lbs on her), long hair that will finally shed off in the spring....(it's as long as it is because she was never wormed). We took all 5 of the horses to the vet yesterday for their vaccinations, tube worming to start the year, coggins test, checked to see if mama horse was pregnant ( and she's not....sniff, sniff. I'm disappointed.), and treatment for shakota as he has a cold. $502. OUCH! but not bad really considering it was 5 horses getting treated. But I do this every January.
Sigh! I'm tired and ain't done a thing really. Bipolar is a pain in the ass. that's why i stopped to write a moment. Hoping to get my brain back in working order. something to conccentrate on that's simple. writing out where my head seems to be at the moment. Really.................i'd just as soon stop everything and just go out to the horses. but I HA VE to get these chores done! or they'll still be here haunting me tomorrow....and the next day....and the next.
does anyone else have bipolar that's reading my journal? what are some of your challenges.....even if different from mine. sometimes it helps just knowing someone else has personal challenges like mine......I am a strong woman. Glaciercrow......i like that first comment on your page today...........about strong women.
S.....strong................T..........tumultous (my life).......R......righteous ( my faith)...........O..........ornery (me in a bipolar moment).......N...........Normal...........G.............Gragarious.............does this make me strong.....my stubborness. I am determined not to let this destroy my life. I will not let it invade my day today. I am going to get past this. ONe moment at a time. No tears. Just effort. I CAN do this!
OK........so I'm bipolar with anxiety and depression issues. This is one of those days. I'm trying to clean house, with bill's help. He cleaned the kitchen at least. I managed to get the bathroom clean, wash a load of laundry, and am going to get the laundry put away. I HATE being bipolar. I sometimes would rather have a physical disability than a mental one, as people understand that more than they do a mental one. What is normal other than a setting on a washing machine? what is normal for one may not be normal for me and vice versa. I hate the roller coaster ride of emotions. Up, down, down up..... tears, frustration, frustration, aggrevation. It's a royal pain in the ass! I've cried my tears. gotten frustrated because i can't seem to stay on task in one room,............as usual. THATS MY "normal".
Nevertheless, I will be better once I get out with the horses today. I'm going to do some training with Sassy, Shakota, and Dollar today. Plus i'm going to ride Sassy again today. I rode her yesterday and she is an absolute jewel of a mare. I am really impressed with her ability to scoot down the road. Her gait is a tennessee walking gait and she is just like a rocking chair. It's really nice. I enjoyed riding her very much yesterday. The sun was shining. The breeze was in my face. and I was on the best seat in the house....on a willing horse that was enjoying the ride as much as I was. THATS a wonderful feeling. Having a willing horse who enjoys her job as much as I'm enjoying the ride. She's not much to look at really. Just a simple little bay mare.....reddish brown, on the thin side, (she needs about 150 lbs on her), long hair that will finally shed off in the spring....(it's as long as it is because she was never wormed). We took all 5 of the horses to the vet yesterday for their vaccinations, tube worming to start the year, coggins test, checked to see if mama horse was pregnant ( and she's not....sniff, sniff. I'm disappointed.), and treatment for shakota as he has a cold. $502. OUCH! but not bad really considering it was 5 horses getting treated. But I do this every January.
Sigh! I'm tired and ain't done a thing really. Bipolar is a pain in the ass. that's why i stopped to write a moment. Hoping to get my brain back in working order. something to conccentrate on that's simple. writing out where my head seems to be at the moment. Really.................i'd just as soon stop everything and just go out to the horses. but I HA VE to get these chores done! or they'll still be here haunting me tomorrow....and the next day....and the next.
does anyone else have bipolar that's reading my journal? what are some of your challenges.....even if different from mine. sometimes it helps just knowing someone else has personal challenges like mine......I am a strong woman. Glaciercrow......i like that first comment on your page today...........about strong women.
S.....strong................T..........tumultous (my life).......R......righteous ( my faith)...........O..........ornery (me in a bipolar moment).......N...........Normal...........G.............Gragarious.............does this make me strong.....my stubborness. I am determined not to let this destroy my life. I will not let it invade my day today. I am going to get past this. ONe moment at a time. No tears. Just effort. I CAN do this!
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